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When it comes to dating (or even seducing) a woman, confidence is vital. Women often equate “self confidence” with the ability to be successful. While many men believe that women look for successful men because they’re likely to make more money, that’s simply not true.
While it’s a given, women actually look for successful men because they’re more likely to be satisfied. So you may be wondering what a man being satisfied has to do with anything. Let me explain. You see, women know that men who are satisfied with themselves are less likely to go out looking for someone to satisfy them and are more stable.
And in a relationship that means a man will be less likely to cheat, or change jobs frequently or get himself into any number of other compromising situations. Remember that most women are looking for a man who will be their partner as well as their lover.
When it comes to confidence, it seems there are two kinds of people – those who have it and others who simply don’t. Although on the surface this may be true, everyone has the potential to be “self confident”, or motivated if you would like to call it.
Take heart in knowing that you’re a good person, smart, funny, good at your job, loving, considerate or whatever else you find to be positive character traits that you have. Be comforted to know that NOT all women are looking for a CEO or brain surgeon. They just want a man who’s confident with who he is, what he knows and what he has to offer to a relationship with them!
With what you’ve learned with me so far, you WILL be able to get numbers from women. Lots of them. Now I’m not saying you’ll get the info for every lady that turns your head – plenty of women will be unavailable for various reasons. Some have boyfriends, some are taking a break, some are just in the wrong mood – whatever, it doesn’t matter. You know enough to not let the unavailable women get you down, affect your confidence, or change your playfulness. We’re not worried about them.
And now that you can get the numbers of TONS of women, my job is done, right?
Wrong. This is just the FIRST STEP and you’ve got to remember that. Just because you’ve got a woman interested – and even if you keep your relaxed confidence going – there are plenty of places to stumble.
The Instant Date
Like what? This may surprise you, but you SHOULDN’T take women on dates. That might sound strange, so I’ll phrase it another way.
If you take a woman to dinner and a movie, you’re asking to be strung along like a knitting club’s quilt. You set yourself up for all sorts of mistakes – which I’ll talk about in a second – and you’re just begging for uncomfortable silences and boring conversation.
Hey, you can make it work. You just make yourself work a LOT harder.
So what should you do instead? Well, best-case scenario you create an instant date. You go from meeting to GOING somewhere, TOGETHER. This can mean moving from the bookstore to a coffee shop, one club to another – or often, to begin, just LEADING a woman from one part of a bar to another.
Create a World
That’s a POWERFUL move. Say you want to tell her something (and have something to tell her). Maybe it can be about something you want to show her at your house, like an album or a book (done subtly, this is a great way to lead to a house call). Take her hand and LEAD her to a more secluded spot.
Don’t put your hands all over her – you look desperate and pervy. But once you’ve led her somewhere, you’ve shifted the world a little bit – you are in it TOGETHER. Maintain strong eye contact. Speak in a quieter, confidential voice (the kind she wants to lean in to hear).
Set yourself up that way, and it should be much easier to get yourself moving to another spot right off the bat. The important thing is that you concentrate not on getting a woman to bed, but on moving to the next step.
Once you’ve got a connection, the next step is changing settings so you reaffirm and strengthen that connection.
This is good in so many ways. It gives you a chance to get to know the girl quickly – which is impressive when it happens quickly, plus it let’s you figure out if the lady is worth your time before you’ve invested much.
It feels natural – something even the best dates fail at.
It’s low-pressure fun – spontaneous, without expectations or commitments.
It’s just great. Not to mention it allows YOU to set the pace you proceed at.
Now, this isn’t something you ALWAYS do. If a girl is out with her friends you don’t want to impose – in fact, for that reason you should always set a time limit when you’ve started talking with a woman. “I have to get back to my friends in a few minutes, but before that…” or “I have to leave soon, but first…”
If the lady you like seems ready to follow, then you can say “I’m going to xxx, it’s a good spot, you should come. SOMEONE needs to teach you what this city has to offer.” (By the way, this is a KILLER line if you’re not a local.)
Oftentimes the woman won’t be able to join you for whatever reason – could be she’s got plans already, maybe she doesn’t want her girlfriends gossiping, she might just be shy. That’s ok. You can still meet her – but here’s how you do it.
Don’t Be Ordinary
Don’t ask her to dinner. If possible, don’t even ask her in advance. A spontaneous meeting at a coffee shop or going shopping in an eclectic neighborhood with built-in conversation is great.
Your call should sound something like this: “What are you doing right now? I’m about to hit Java Joe’s, you should come and entertain me.” “I’m shopping for some clothes, and I’d like a woman’s opinion. What are you doing now?”
Make sure you’re going somewhere fun. The kind of place with strange knick-knacks all around so you’re conversation can naturally flow from your surroundings. Why do extra work when you can let the atmosphere help you?
Can’t Buy Me Love
THIS is key, and I’ll talk about it again and again. DON’T PAY. Especially with a woman you’ve just met. Paying says all the wrong things.
Women will read it different ways; here’s a few.
It says “I’m not interesting, so I’m bribing you to spend time with me.”
It says “I want to prove I’m good mate material by showing off my financial success.”
Or the corollary: “I’m insecure, so like a man with a small penis and a hot sports car, I’m trying to buy myself some confidence.”
Worse still: “I don’t really know you, but I think you’re hot so I’m going to try and buy my way into your jeans.”
Equally cringe-worthy: “I just paid for you. Now, what are you going to do for ME?”
Oh, let’s not forget the classic: “I’m used to paying for women so they’ll keep me company. Feel free to take advantage of that and bleed me for all I can handle, regardless of whether you like me or not.”
And of course, with a certain sensitive sect of ladies, you’re saying “I’m a sexist pig. Now cook bitch.”
In fact, can you say anything good by paying? Well, you could be saying “I’m a nice, generous man.” Great. We all know by now how sexy that is.
No Early Meals!
This is one of the biggest reasons to avoid the dinner date, at least to begin. In addition to creating an awkward social setting with someone you barely know, you basically force all sorts of uncomfortable thoughts about the money involved.
Coffee? Who cares about a coupla bucks?
Shopping? You’re not going to buy her something, are you? That smells of bribery worse than dinner, and you’ll just make her uneasy.
Avoid putting yourself in situations where the issue of payment comes up, and you’ll avoid this whole can of worms.